This is South Tyrol

City balcony plant: "Do you have air conditioning in your rooms?"
Mountain grass: "Of course! Open the window and let the fresh mountain air in."

City balcony plant: "Where's the gym to train?"
Mountain grass: "Out in the fresh air, in nature, up and down the mountains!"

City balcony plant: "Is there natural water available in the rooms?"
Mountain grass: "Of course: as naturally as it flows from the spring. Our tap water is clear, fresh and simply delicious."

City balcony plant: "We often talk here about the metres of difference in height, what are they?"
Mountain grass: "They are the metres calculated to reach happiness. For 300 metres of difference in height, consider about an hour's walk."

City balcony plant: "Where can we shop?"
Mountain grass: "For perfumes, we recommend a very special atelier: open your nostrils right in the heart of the forest behind the hotel. If you prefer alpine glam, you will find mountains of it in the shop right on the summit: everything glitters beautifully there already at the crack of dawn! Otherwise, you can reach Valdaora or Brunico comfortably and free of charge by bus or train, there you will find little things."

City balcony plant: "Do you have a Wi-Fi network?"
Mountain grass: "Yes, we do: but isn't it better to already be connected to the natural universe? Pure air, unspoilt meadows and rejuvenating silence: after all, a holiday is about regaining energy! In the evening you will have time to greet your loved ones, and then off you go - to sink into the soft pillows of our Swiss pine beds."

City balcony plant: "Do you have a solarium?"
Mountain grass: "Just go outside, smile big - and switch, it's on! We recommend sun cream though!"

City balcony plant: "Can you get bacon without the white streak of fat?"
Mountain grass: "Of course, but in this case we prefer to call it smoked ham - otherwise do you know how many grandma's recipe books would have to be rewritten?"